Big (in)visible Family
Big (in)visible Family
Sometimes a family is bigger than what the outside world can see.
For parents who have lost a child, their loved ones live on every single day in their hearts, even if others cannot see them.
Through Shadowed Memories by Dasja Dijkstra, these invisible children can be made visible again in a deeply personal and hand drawn way.
Chantal reached out to me to create her three (in)visible children. A hand drawn, personalized Shadow to make her children visible again. Her story, like that of many other parents, was emotional and intense. But above all, what I heard during our conversations was gratitude.
“If the girls hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t be here either. I have to miss them now, but I still get to watch my son grow up and he gets to see me.”
During our first and second conversations, it became clear that Chantal didn’t yet fully know what she wanted. Her earlier ideas no longer matched what she felt just before the drawing process began. In the end, she chose to trust me completely and place everything in my hands.
Wow. That was something truly special.
While creating this piece for Shadowed Memories, I was able to fully follow both my creativity and my emotional intuition. That felt incredibly meaningful.
When I delivered the final piece, Chantal’s reaction was the crown on my work. All three children felt right immediately. They felt like hers. There is no greater compliment you can receive as an artist working with grief.
With warm regards,
Dasja Dijkstra | Shadowed Memories
Big (in)visible Family
Big (in)visible Family Sometimes a family is bigger than what the outside world can see.
Chantal’s story
“I always dreamed of having a big family with four children…
I became pregnant, but our little boy arrived far too early. Alongside the grief, it was also a very special experience. Thankfully, just one month later, I became pregnant again with our Thomas. That meant I was pregnant for over 13 months in a row. This cheerful, loving little boy was so welcome and filled our hearts with love and happiness.
When Thomas was one and a half years old, what I thought was a ‘milk gland’ turned out to be a large tumor. I was suddenly facing the biggest battle in my life.
You should prepare yourself, you may not make it to Christmas…
I refused to accept that.
After countless surgeries, chemotherapy treatments, tests, Christmases and everything that could possibly go wrong, I was still here. I chose to fully enjoy everything I could do, instead of focusing on what I couldn’t anymore. The most important thing: I am still here and I get to watch Thomas grow up.
Then, six years later, I felt something again. Alarm bells immediately went off and I was back in the hospital. The lump turned out to be another tumor. This time, the message was that I was lucky to feel it so early.
After surgery, I discovered I was pregnant again. So what I felt wasn’t the tumor, this time it was a milk gland. And that milk gland ensured my illness was discovered in time.
Almost halfway through the pregnancy, of twins.
But medically, I couldn’t keep them. We had to let them go.
The moment they were born and placed in my arms, the first thing I said was:
Thank you. You made sure my tumor was discovered in time. You gave me a third chance at life.
Because people associated me with cancer and not with another pregnancy, we only shared this story once we received good news: I was in time and another intense round of chemotherapy was no longer needed. We celebrated with their urn placed on a tray with traditional Dutch treats.
Years passed. We live life intensely.
In my inner world, Lotte and Pien are truly present, but to the outside world they are not. Sometimes it comes up lightly in conversation. I often find myself wondering what it would have been like. What would our family look like?
And then I received the photo from Dasja Dijkstra | Shadowed Memories.
Goosebumps.
For the first time in my life, my family had a visual form. A face. A feeling of being complete.
I do have a big family.
I didn’t realize how much this would affect me. This is a moment I will never forget. So incredibly valuable.
I am so grateful that you turned my thoughts into something visible, Dasja. You were free to create and it turned out exactly as I had imagined, even better than I ever dared to hope. I genuinely love how the girls look. A bit cheeky. Really amazing.
With pride, the Shadow photo now stands next to the urn in our living room.
It may be seen.
Grateful.”